so, did you get the message
(c) 2002-03jgoldberg
that you don't want to be treated that way anymore
and that it's a trick to think that just because you do it (to yourself)
that it's different than when anyone else (family) does it to you, and that when you
don't feel your feelings because you pretend you don't have any--it's a lie
and that mutilating one way or another, so you won't feel your feelings, is dishonest
because those are your feelings, and you do feel them
and
feeling sad feels sad and
feeling bad feels bad and
feeling scared feels scarey
and your feelings,
that is, that place where you have until now hidden your feelings, as if not to have them, or honor them or
value them or know them or feel them, cannot be misplaced or displaced or out of place any more
your feelings,
that is that part of you which knows them and feels them and cares for them and
wants to be cared for, the same way you would care for others
will not be tricked misled or ignored any more


did you get the message
did you get the message
that every time you disallow an honest expression of you feelings or your thoughts
or your needs or your desires you are fundamentally betraying and therefore abandoning yourself
just as your mother and father did
did you get the message
that being in a caring relationship with you one cannot stand by while you slaughter yourself
that being in a caring relationship with you must mean seeing you as human, and seeing you as
human, one cannot stand by while you mutilate yourself and say it is okay
and say I understand, and think that that is the end
did you get the message
that participating in standing by, allowing and not seeing the violence is not caring
and not caring is what your mother and father did, so
not caring is just like them just as being violent is just like them
that there is hope
and hope is about risk
and risk is about loss
and loss is about pain
and pain as about hurt and anger
which as about how much you do care and
pretending you don't care, so it won't hurt so much, doesn't work because pretending
you don't care is about hopelessness
which creates its own cycle of loss and pain and anger
which becomes helplessness
and then one takes living as dying and mistakes dying for living and
knows not which is more terrifying
so
did you get the message
hope is in one another
and it is something we carry for each other
it is something we see in each other's hearts
it is the gift of caring
it is about filling one another's bowls